Where Do Babies Come From?
by Crystal Haze
Summary: Sirius wonders, Remus hesitates.


**Summary**: Sirius wonders, Remus hesitates. Oneshot.

**Genre**: Romance/Humor

**Warnings**: Slash

**Rating**: T

**Pairings**: Sirius/Remus, implied James/Lily

A/N: Right, here goes my first slash fanfiction, and I simply _had_ to make it SiriusXRemus, my current obsession. Have fun, just like I did :P

**Where Do Babies Come From?**

"Remus," said Sirius one evening in the common room, "Where do babies come from?"

It was a Saturday evening; most students, including James (who was, naturally, in pursuit of Lily Evans), and Peter (who was to assist James in his plan to waylay Lily) were in the grounds, making the most of the bracing evening air. Sirius was sprawled on the rug in front of the fire, leafing through a magazine that dealt with (as Sirius' magazines usually dealt with anyway) Muggle sports cars, motorbikes, and girls, all of whom seemed to be undergoing severe wardrobe malfunction. Remus, in stark contrast, was sitting at a table near Sirius, poring intently over his Transfiguration essay. He didn't even look up. "Yeah, _you're_ asking me."

"No, honestly," said Sirius, drawing himself up and sitting straight, his handsome face illuminated by the dancing embers in the fireplace. "I really have a very hazy idea of the whole thing."

Remus looked up at last and faced him. "Sirius, you really play the innocent part very well. You go around making out with new girls every week! Not to mention all that trash you read." He glanced at Sirius' magazine, which was open to page that depicted four blond Muggle girls, all in varying stages of undress, advertising a new motorbike.

"They don't explain anything, you know," said Sirius seriously. "I mean, they'll only have pictures of hot girls and stuff wearing kinky clothes…Who's going to explain all the details? And the making out is…well- just making out!" He grinned. "Come on, Moony, tell me!" He made those irresistibly cute puppy dog eyes.

Remus couldn't help smiling. "I'd never thought I'd live to see this day! Sirius Black- asking me about…_it_," he ended delicately.

"I thought it was something called…sex, wasn't it?" said Sirius, that innocent expression still plastered on his face.

Remus went a bit red. "Well, yeah…Oh forget it! I'm not explaining anything!" He went back determinedly to his homework, his ears still a bright shade of red.

"Waaaaaah!" cried Sirius. He climbed up onto the arm on Remus' squashy little chair and began jumping up and down on it. "Moony won't tell me! Moony doesn't love Padfoot any more!" he squealed. "Hey Remus," he said, suddenly changing tack, "It all starts with love doesn't it?" He gave a wicked grin.

Remus pushed Sirius off him. "Gerroff me, you great black dog! You're such a …such a…"

But Sirius, reacting quickly, pulled Remus down with him. There was a loud _thump_, and both Sirius and Remus lay crumpled in a heap on the ground.

Three fourth-year girls coming down from their dormitory giggled and, looking back at them interestedly, clambered out of the portrait-hole.

"Sirius!" hissed Remus. "I'm going to kill you someday!" He pushed Sirius off him.

"Why?" whined Sirius. "Don't you like me?"

"Sirius, that's enough!" said Remus sitting up.

"Oh no, it isn't."

"Eh?" Remus stared.

But Sirius took Remus' fingers in his and stroked them slowly. Remus looked down at his hand in speechless horror.

_This is not right. _

Sirius, lying at Remus' feet, looked up at him, a hard, intense look in his eyes.

A chill ran down Remus' spine.

_That_ _must be the sort of expression he has when he's about to start a snogging session with his girlfriends._

A sharp stab of panic, mingled, curiously, with excitement, surged through him.

_No wonder they're always swooning over him._

All at once, he shook himself. How could he be thinking of something like that? About one of his best friends, too?

_But that look...those beautiful grey eyes that stared right into his soul..._

"Where do babies come from?" said Sirius softly, looking at Remus archly. "Hmm, I was just wondering, is there any such thing as two daddies?"

Remus blinked. _Okaaaaaay._

Sirius pulled Remus on the floor by his collar next to him and kissed him. Remus' eyes misted over and his heart hammered against his chest. He'd never felt anything like that before. Gently, he returned the kiss, cupping Sirius' face in his hands. As Sirius broke apart after a few moments, Remus moaned at the separation, groping at his neck. "Now," said Sirius in a whisper, a voice that made the hair on the back of Remus' neck stand up, "_now_ you're going to teach me."

-THE END-

A/N: Please review! I really hope you liked it…I had such fun writing it secretly during my classes at school and making my friends read it aloud! XD


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